GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
2009
Action
Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller, Channing Tatum, and a Wayans brother

I will let you all in on some personal information. GI Joe was by far my favorite show growing up as a kid. I went as GI Joe at least 3 years for Halloween. I loved the toys as well. My mom still has the info cards (back of the package of the action figures, gave their bio) from every figurine I ever had. In fact GI Joe holds the distinction of being the greatest Christmas toy I ever received, the mobil command center pictured below. It was so badass.

As nostalgic as the phrase "GI Joe" makes me feel I am able to seperate the cartoon, the toys, and Rise of Cobra the new live action movie. I did not expect the movie to capture my childhood.
For some reason I went into GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra with kind of high expectations. I didn't necessarily expect it to be a good movie, but I expected it to be a summer popcorn flick that overall would just be stupid but a lot of fun to watch. I feel like my expectations were about 75% right. There are parts of it that are a lot of fun, but most of the time it is just stupid. The action for the most part looks good (some shoddy CG work, but it fit the overtop mood of the scenes). The whole scene involving the Eiffel Tower was top notch in my opinion, other than the stupid "accelerator suits."

A few high points of the movie were Snake Eyes and Joseph Gordon Levitt. Snake Eyes was always the coolest Joe member (I almost bought a Snake Eyes backpack a few months ago) and they did a great job of showing that in the movie. Snake Eyes is badass. JGL plays Cobra Commander, though this is Rise of Cobra, he doesn't really become Cobra Commander until the end. But even before then he does a great job with the limited material he is given. He was the best possible thing next to getting this Cobra Commander to be in the movie...and thats unlikely.



To my surpsrise Sienna Miller is much hotter as a brunette than a blonde, well at least she was in this movie. But that could be because of the tight leather outfit she was wearing most of the time.

One minor problem with the movie from a storytelling perspective is that all the "good" characters are extremely boring, poorly acted, and for the most part have no character development at all, while all "bad" are interesting, and well acted. This is a minor problem because I assume the director made the movie so people would like the good guys more and cheer them on, but that didn't happen to me. After about 30 minutes I was openly rooting for Cobra to win. I mean half of the main Joe team featured in the movie have absolutely zero character development, there is the Moroccan guy with a French accent, the big buff black British dude, and the redheaded chick who is smart. That is basically everything you find out about 3 of the main good guys. While on the other hand all the bad buys have fleshed out back stories explaining how they came to be, as well as scenes explaining their actions and motives for the things being done in the movie.

Duke (played by Channing Tatum) is basically the main character of the movie, so you are suppose to root for him. There is just one problem with that, he is a huge tool that basically deserves all the bad stuff that happens to him. It is revealed early on that the main villainess, Anna, is actually his ex fiance, and that Duke served in the Army with Anna's brother Rex. Duke proposed to Anna right before they are deployed, and she makes Duke promise that he will protect her brother and bring him home safe. Of course on their mission Rex goes into a house that is bombed. When they return home Anna is of course devastated that her brother died, so how does Duke console her? He doesn't, he just ignores entirely. Anna is there at Rex's funeral and all Duke does is drive by on his Harley, take off his sunglasses, then drives away. Why in the hell should I want a character like that to find happiness again with a lost love who he completely abandoned when she needed him most? Oh later in the movie he says "I am sorry about that" which really doesn't seem good enough to me. Duke is a douche, that's all there is to it.

This is a movie you could watch with a few friends and have a blast by just pointing out flaws or making jokes about it. But this is not because it is a "so bad its good" kind of movie. Its just because some of the stuff that goes on in it is kind of stupid, and ridiculous, but I feel like the filmmakers knew that most of the time. I would say that if you have any desire at all to see this movie, rent it, if you have no interest to see it, just skip it, you won't be missing out on too much. I am not sure if Rise of Cobra made enough money to warrant a sequel, but if it did, and they get the right writer and director it could be pretty kickass.

3 out of 5 Stars

PS - There is a scene with the President in a bunker where some guy (they never show his face) jumps out and the President says "oh thats what he has planned" and thats it. Does anyone know what the hell is going on in that scene, because it is not explained or clarified at all and its annoying me. So if you know what that scene is about let me know.
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