Legend of the Bog (2008)

One way I find out about movies is to go to a site that shows what new releases are coming out that week. That is how I stumbled across this movie and added it to my queue. Of course right after it was mailed to me I read a review talking about how bad of a movie it is. And guess what? That review was right.
Legend of the Bog takes place in the backwoods of Ireland and stars Vinnine Jones (name might not ring a bell, but you have most likely seen him before). Somehow a caveman comes back to life and Vinnie and some random college aged people have to stop it or something. The plot doesn't really matter because it's obvious the people who made the movie didn't care too much about it. This movie was flat out terrible. The movie is basically two parts. Part 1 shows a big bald guy (the cave man come back to life) walking around and occasionally killing people when he stumbles upon them. Part 2 shows a bunch of people wandering around in the woods trying to avoid the cave man, then later trying to find him to kill him. This is one of those horror movies where the cast is so annoying you want all of them to die. The cave man isn't even remotely scary or intimidating. He is just a big bald guy with a animal skin outfit of some kind.
There was one highlight in this piece of crap. Right after the cave man comes back to life they show him walking down a path and there are two dogs. The dogs start barking at him and he just looks at them. They cut away for a second, and when they come back they show him adjusting some fur shoes he made, after apparently killing the dogs. Its so stupid its hilarious. Of course I don't think the filmmakers meant for it to be funny, which only makes it funnier.
I don't know how anyone would happen to stumble upon this movie randomly, but if you do, run away. It's not even the kind of "bad" where you can make fun it, it's the kind of bad where its just flat out bad.

1 out of 5 Stars

City Heat (1984)

Clint Eastwood is my all time favorite actor. I have seen all of his big movies, so when I watch a Clint Eastwood movie I have not seen, it is a treat for me.
City Heat starts Clint and Burt Reynolds. It is advertised as a copy buddy comedy, though thats not really the case, because the two are not really friends in the movie, they just tolerate each other. It is set in the 1920s and focuses on a private detective (Reynolds) who is trying to track down some money his friend stole from a mobster so they don't hurt his girlfriend, and a cop (Eastwood) following all the mayhem and trying to stop the mobster.
It is advertised as a comedy, but sadly, isn't that funny. Burt Reynolds has a few VERY funny lines, but not many. I wish they would have given him more because a few of his one liners are hilarious. Even though Eastwood can be funny, he plays the straight man for the most part in this movie. Though some of quips towards Reynolds did make me smile. Since it involves cops and mobsters there is some shooting and action, but none of it is really memorable.
There are must better Eastwood and Reynolds movies to watch. So unless you have seen most of those, there is really no reason to watch this. It's not awful, just other movies do this a lot better. For the die hard fans Eastwood fans only.

3 of 5 Stars

Outlander (2008)

Most people have never heard of this movie because it was only in a few theatres, and only for a week, so it is basically a direct to DVD title for the most part.
It is about Kainan, played by Jim Caviezel (you know, Jesus), who is from another planet. He is transporting a dangerious alien being, when his spaceship crashes on Earth in Norway during the time of the Vikings. When the alien starts killing the locals it is up to Kainan to team up with the vikings and kick some alien ass. It is also revealed that the alien's species was wiped out by Kainan's people on another planet, except for the one on the spaceship who sort of killed Kainan's family. So let's just say, it's personal.
Since I know your first question is "What does the alien look like?" I will tell you. It basically looks like a tiger, crossed with at Komodo dragon, and it glows in the dark. The effects for the alien were pretty good. I am not sure how big the budget was for this movie but everything in it looks top notch. The costumes, the viking village, the effects, etc, all of it helps take you back to Norway in 700 AD. The action is exciting and well shot, so you can actually tell what is going on.
I never saw Passion of the Christ so I don't really know much about Jim Caviezel's skills as an actor, but in this movie he is probably the low point. All of the supporting cast outshine him in most scenes. He's not terrible, just not as good as everybody else. Ron Pearlman (Hellboy) plays a rival clan leader in this movie. I don't know what special effects they used in his scenes, but when he is on screen he looks like the largest human being to ever walk the Earth. He looks like he is about 8 foot tall and weighs about 500 pounds. He also carries two stone hammers that would make Thor jealous. If I was fighting against an alien, I would want his character on my side.
I think this movie deserved a wider release in theatres. It was much more enjoyable than most crap released nowadays. This movie isn't deep or groundbreaking, just fun, sci fi escapism. A better viking movie is Pathfinder, so if you want to watch some vikings, check that out.

3 out of 5 Stars

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

There was a remake that came out for this movie last year, I did not see that so I don't know which is better or anything. I probably would have rented the remake first but since it is in 3D and Netflix does not mail out 3D glasses, I just went with the original, and I am glad I did.
The movie is about a guy who almost killed in a mining disaster due to other people leaving the job early to go to the town's annual Valentine's Day Dance (the town's name is Valentine Falls, I think...) So after he gets out of the mine, he seeks revenge. After that he is sent to a mental hospital. But 20 years later people starting dying again....has he returned to exact more revenge?
This movie was a lot of fun. The killer is a guy with a gas mask and a pick axe. Pretty badass in my book. He is upset there is a Valentine's Day party since that is the day the accident occurred 20 years before. After he kills some citizens the only people still trying to party are some young mine workers and their friends, so that is who he goes after. Probably the best thing about this movie are the kills. For a villain with a distinct weapon (the pick axe), he finds a lot of interesting ways to kill people. Another thing I thought was pretty good about this movie were the gore effects. They were far superior to most of the stuff in The Burning, even though they came out the same year. None of the kids he is chasing are really that memorable. The town sheriff is probably the best character since he live through the first set of murders, so he knows now is not the time to be fucking around. One thing I learned watching this, is if I ever get a box of Valentine's candy and blood is leaking out, I won't open it, because there is probably just a human heart in it. There is a twist at the end that I saw coming about an hour into the movie, but thankfully it fits into the storyline and isn't just there for shock value like most twist endings in modern movies are.
If you want to hang out and watch a scary movie, this would be a good one to choose. It's not really that scary, but still has a great sense of suspense and mood throuought. There is nothing quite like being stalked by a madman in a coal mine. You will be screaming "RUN!" at the screen, while at the same time hoping they don't run just to see how they will be disposed of.

3 out of 5 Stars

The Burning (1981)

Last night was Friday, so as per routine it was "Horror Movie Friday" because I watch horror movies every friday night.
Last night's selection was The Burning. A teen slasher movie from the golden age of the genre (the 80s). It has a lot in common with the first Friday the 13th. Some counselors pull a prank on a guy who works at a summer camp and end up burning him very badly. Protip: Do not keep a gas can on the nightstand next to your bed, nothing good can come from that.Five years later the guy, horribly disfigured, gets out of the hospital, and goes looking for revenge against camp counselors (not the same ones who burned him, but close enough).
One funny thing I noticed about this movie was that there appeared to be no kids at the camp. It was always just counselors doing activities together. Like when they go on the big overnight canoe trip, it is only like 10 counselors who go, no kids. The only time they show any kids is during scenes in the dining hall. There are benefits to having no kids in most of the movie though, like random skinny dipping scenes, so I am not complaining. They use the same trick too many times in this movie. They make you think the killer is about to attack, but then it turns out to be just one of the person's friends walking up to them. Doing that once is neat, do it 4 times, and it gets kind of tiring. My main complaint about this movie is the effects were kind of crappy. Which is surprising because the effects (and the killers hands) were done by horror effects mastermind Tom Savini. The effects weren't totally horrible, but movies from the same time frame did them much better. The make up for the burned guy wasn't too bad. It reminded me of Nemesis from the Resident Evil series, if that means anything to you. Another highlight is the movie features Jason Alexander (George Costanza) when he still had a full head of hair.
Overall this was a fun slasher movie. Some good scares, funny parts, naked teens and a very creepy villain. If you want something similar to Friday the 13th but are tired of Jason Voorhees, check it out.

3 out of 5 Stars

Random Movie Fact: This was the first movie ever released by Miramax and the Weinstein brothers. Who of course are now major players in Hollywood.

Here is how it is

I mainly created this to review movies I watch (and music, and books, etc.). Since I watch a movie basically every night at work, I should have a lot of stuff to write about. I have about 800 movies rated through Netflix at the moment. I don't plan on going back and reviewing all of them, but I will go through a lot of them. I will try and review most movies the day after I watch them. I will use the star ranking system that Netflix uses:
* - awufl
** - bad, but not offensively so
*** - I liked it, but it wasn't great (I end up giving most things 3 stars)
**** - really liked it
***** - great, one of my all time favorites.
I tend to rate movies based on how much I liked them, more than how "good" they were, if that makes any sesne.

I have a feeling this won't only be used for reviews. Chances are I will start talking about random stuff every so often.

So here we go...