Avatar (2009)

Avatar
2009
Sci Fi/Action
James Cameron, Sam Worthington, Sigourney Weaver

Avatar. The movie James Cameron dreamed up over 15 years ago, but couldn't make because he had to invent the technology used to make his ideas into an actual movie. In only a few weeks it has become the 2nd highest grossing movie of all time. Though as my brother pointed out, tickets cost more, and many people are seeing it in 3D which also costs more, so I don't know how much weight should be placed on its overall gross, just know that it has made A LOT of money so far (over $1 billion worldwide, and counting). Of course due to all the new technology Cameron had to come up with the movie cost somewhere around $400 million to make.

The story takes place in the year 2154. A private company has arrived on the planet Pandora to extract a mineral that is found there. The name of the mineral is Unobtanium, which is a stupid name, but has been used before in science fiction to mean a mineral that will solve all of our problems but is obviously hard to obtain. The main native population of Pandora are the 10 foot tall and blue Na'vi. To better interact with the Na'vi. since the air on Pandora is toxic to humans, the humans create human/Na'vi hybrids (called avatars) that are basically just Na'vi who can be controlled mentally by a human being that is synced with it. The main character is Jake Sully (Sam Worthington). His twin brother was a brilliant scientist who had a Na'vi avatar built for him, but died, so since Jake is his twin they bring him in to use that Avatar. Jake is a former marine who is now paralyzed, so controlling the avatar gives him the ability to walk again. Jake begins to bond with the native population and is accepted by them, and of course he falls in love with their princess. Then the humans find the largest source of Unobtabium on Pandora is under the Na'vi holy site. When they Na'vi can't be convinced to leave, the two sides go to war, and Jake has to pick which side he fights on.



The main criticism of the movie is that the plot is too cliche. Too similar to movies like Pocohontas, Dances With Wolves, and Ferngully. There is nothing wrong with those complaints because the story is very cliched. It doesn't break any new ground with its plot, but that didn't really bother me too much. Most movies are full of cliches. I don't see why I should hold it against a movie for having them, or praise a movie just because it is less cliched.

The main actors are Sam Worthingon and Sigourney Weaver, but to be honest, they are not the stars. The stars are the planet of Pandora itself and the Na'vi avatars. Pandora is an amazing sight to behold. It is not just a made up planet that the movie takes place on. Cameron has created a fully realized world here. He created plants and animals and an ecosystem that not only makes sense but works perfectly with the plot. All the alien life is familiar, but like nothing you have ever seen on screen before. The Na'vi avatars look and move like real life actors. This is due to the new motion capture technology Cameron invented. The specieal effects used to create Pandora are so good you have a hard time telling what is real and what is CGI, which is great, since most of the scenes are a mix of the two. One human character worth noting is the Col. who leads the human mercenaries. Even though his motives and actions are kind of evil, he is so badass. On more than one occassion he runs outside with a gun to kick ass, even though he can't breate in the atmosphere and could die if he stays out there too long.

I saw Avatar in IMAX 3D, but the IMAX screen I saw it on was kind of crappy. It was only about 10 ft bigger than a regular screen, so I basically just saw it in 3D. Many 3D movies use the 3D effects to just have random shit flying out at you every 30 seconds, Avatar used its 3D differently. It used it to add layers to the visuals. It made it seem less like watching a flat screen, and more like you were looking out your window and Pandora was your backyard. I think I would have actually liked a few more gimmick in the 3D, having a spear come out at me or something.

The movie is 2 and a half hour long, but compared to movies of a similar length (like Inglorious Basterds), the time really flies by. The story is cliched but the visuals are absolutely beautiful. The action scene at the end is epic and heart pounding. See it in 3D, it was made to see in 3D, if you don't see it in 3D you are just doing yourself a disservice. It would still be a good movie to watch at home on DVD, but seeing it in 3D in the theatre makes it a must see.

4 out of 5 Stars
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Terminator: Salvation (2009)

Terminator: Salvation
2009
Action
Christian Bale, Sam Worthington

Out of all the blockbusters to come out this summer (star Trek, Transformers 2, etc.), Terminator: Salvation (TS) was actually the one I was most excited to see. Of course I couldn't find anyone that wanted to see it with me, so I never got the chance to see it in theatres. Finally it has come out on DVd so I enjoyed it in the comfort of my own home, alone.

In Terminator 1 a T-1000 Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) comes back in time to kill Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) before she gives birth to her son John Connor, because in the future he stops the Terminators and Skynet (a big evil computer basically) from wiping out all of humanity and taking over the Earth. In Terimator 2 John Connor sends a reprogrammed T-1000 (Arnold again) back in time to protect his mother and himself from an improved T-1000 (Robert Patrick), so that he stays alive long enough to stop Skynet and the machines in the future. Got it? Good, you are up to speed. Yes, there is a Terminator 3 movie, but we will not worry about that right now.

TS takes place in the future. None of the time travelers from the previous movies achieved their goals, and the machines did rise up and attack humanity, and John Connor is still alive leading the human resistance. So basically the plot of the movie follows John Connor (Christian Bale) in the year 2018, leading the resistance and looking for ways to stop Skynet and the machines from wiping out all of humanity. During the course of the movie he runs into Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington). Marcus is confused by the world around him because the last thing he remembers is the year 2003 when no one knew anything about Skynet. It eventually turns out that Marcus is actually a robot who thinks he is still human, so he must choose to side with the humans (which he thinks he is).

Bale and Worthington as the two leads do a fine job. Nothing Oscar worthy or mind blowing, but they were both good and believable. All the actors had to do here was do a servicable job acting, because the action is the real star here. Since this was a summer blockbuster there were a lot of explosions and special effects. I am happy to report that all the explosions and effects looked great. I am not sure how they do the effects on Terminator robots, but it still looks awesome, just like it did in T1 and T2. The only bad effects are on a T-1000 terminator who looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Since Arnold wasn't available to act in the movie its all CGI and looks kind of fake for the time it is on screen.

This isn't the best Terminator movie, but it is the best war movie about man fighting machine (if that makes sense). This is basically a good old style summer blockbuster in every way. So try not to scrutinize the plot too hard (any movie involving time travle does not hold up too well to that), just sit back and enjoy the robot exploding fun. Could they have made a better Terminator movie set after "Judgement Day"? Sure, but this one is pretty solid for what it is (light on mythology, high on action).

3 out of 5 Stars

(This was originally suppose to be the first of a new Terminator trilogy from director McG, but this one was not a huge success and recently the rights of the Terminator franchise have moved to another studio, so chances are we will not see the next two in this series.)
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Inglorious Basterds (2009)

Inglorious Basterds

2009
Drama
Brad Pitt, Quentin Tarantino

The project Tarantinio has been talking about for more than a decade has finally been made. I remember reading years ago about how he wanted to cast Eddie Murphy and other older actors like Bruce Willis that you wouldn't normally picture in a WWII movie, though I suppose that was before he actually finalized the version of the script he filmed, because I don't know how well Eddie Murphy would have passed for a Jew.

The movie was advertised as a group of American Jews (nicknamed the Basterds) sent into Nazi occupied France to terrorize the Nazis and send fear through their ranks. I say it was advertised as that because based on the commercials I expected a lot of Nazis getting scalped and violence galore, but that't not what I got. Sure there are a few gorey scenes (guy gets scalped, guy gets a swastika carved into his forehead), but there was really very little action at all. You really notice how little action there is in a movie that is 2 and a half hours long. So since there wasn't much action, there was just a lot of talking, most of it not in English. Not a real problem, just took me a minute to adjust to it.

People always praise Tarantino for his dialogue but I am not sure exactly why. I mean I have no problems with it, but I don't hear people complaining about the dialogue in other movies, so I don't get why people always go out of their way to praise his. Are they praising it because its' realistic, or just because it's entertaining to listen to? Somebody answer that for me. Like I said, I like Tarantino as a director and as a writer (though I actually like him the most as an actor), I just don't get all the love he gets for his writing of dialogue.

The movie starts out with a very intense, suspense laden scene. The villain of the movie, Hans Landa (Christoph Waltz) is interviewing a farmer in the French countryside. He is interviewing him about whether he knows what happened to the Jewish families who used to live near him. As the questioning intensifies the camera pans down to reveal that the Jewish families are actually hiding in the basement of the house. This scene is paced perfectly and makes you hold your breath wondering whether the families will be discovered or not. Christoph Waltz is receiving a lot of Oscar hype for Best Support Actor for his work as Hans Landa. I have heard him described as "terrifying" but personally I just found the character kind of pompous and annoying, but that's just me.

My biggest complaint is that that movie should not have been called Inglorious Basterds because the Basterds were barely in it. Out of the 9 Basterds only like 3 even had lines. This wouldn't have been a huge problem except for the fact that they were by far my favorite part of the film. The scenes with Pitt and BJ Novak pretending to be Italian were awesome. A few more scenes like those and this would have been gold, even without action. I wanted more Eli Roth and Sam Levine.

Most of the movie deals with a Jewish woman, Shosanna Dreyfus (Melanie Laurent), who runs a movie theatre in Nazi occupied France. She escaped a SS death squad run by Landa, so when the Nazis plan to show a propoganda film in her theatre she plans a way to take revenge on him. She decides she is gonna lock the doors and burn the place down with all the Nazis inside. Little does she know the Basterds are planning an attack of their own on the same night, strapping bombs to their ankles and blowing the whole place sky high. This sets you up to anxiously await and see if both, or either, plan will actually achieve its goal by the end of the movie. Even though Brad Pitt is the big name in the movie, Shoshanna is actually the main character. I would say the main reason I didn't mind that fact was that she is freaking gourgeous in the movie.

She is a French actress so I had never seen or heard of her before, but I hope that with the success of her role in Inglorious Basterds she does more roles in American movies. Because I for sure would like to SEE more of her.

My biggest compliment of the movie is the last 20 minutes or so. When both the theatre owner and the Basterds plans to attack the Nazis go into full effect. It is a glorious scene to behold, that made me cackle with joy.

I fully recommend Inglorious Basterds. Just be sure to change your expctations on what to expect before you watch it. This is not a WWII action movie that is 2 hours of Brad Pitt killing Nazis up and down the French countryside. It is a movie set in WWII with a lot of dialogue in French where you learn a lot about a few characters and therefore get interested in how their stories turn out. It's not my favorite Tarantino flick (either Reservoir Dogs or Pulp Fiction, I haven't see all of his stuff), but it is still better than most can do.

3.5 out of 5 Stars

(This movie actually shares the title (with one letter changed) with a lesser known 1978 movie, Inglorious Bastards. I actually liked the 1978 movie better than this one. That one is basically a more fast paced, over the top version of The Dirty Dozen. It is one of Tarantino's favorites and was the inspiration, obviously, for Basterds.)
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The Road (2009)

The Road
2009
Adventure
Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron

The Road is the film version of the Cormac McCarthy book of the same name. In the mood of full disclosure I must add that The Road is probably my all time favorite book (if not first, then its second), so I was very excited to see the movie version of it. This was actually the movie I was most hyped to see in 2008 but they couldn't finish the editing and soundtrack in time for Oscar season, so they delayed it almost an entire year. Then for God knows what reason, when it finally did come out it was in super limited release, like only 100 theatres in the whole US (compared to big movies that open are in about 3,000). It wasn't showing anywhere in Ohio when it first opened. And like I said, that doesn't make any sense. It was starring Viggo Mortensen who is a popular and respected actor. The book it was based on was also a huge success with a huge fanbase, I mean it was an Oprah Book of the Month selection and won a Pulitzer. I guess after a few weeks they wised up because it eventually started showing here in Columbus on one screen, which thankfully was down the street from my house. So after a year of waiting I finally got to see The Road.

The Road is a tale of what really happens after the "end of the world." A disaster, what kind is never actually said, hits the Earth killing almost every living thing in existence. What is left is a few humans fighting for survival by any means necessary. Some scavenge for the limited supplies still available while others have turned to cannibalism and eat anybody who crosses their path. I have read a ton of post apocalyptic fiction and The Road is in my opinion one of the most realistic versions of that scenario. Because if something like this did come to pass, it would be very ugly, and people would go to extremes to survive. The plot of the movie follows a man and a son walking down a long deserted highway. They are walking to the coast. What will be there? Probably nothing, but I suppose in a situation like this you need some kind of goal to keep going. The movie follows them as they make their way to coast dodging robbers, cannibals and death from the remaing humans they come across. There is very little dialogue, just like in the novel. The most striking thing about the movie really is the setting. Everything is grey and dead. There are no green plants, no birds flying around, nothing. Just ash and rubble. I was actually surprised they could film it and make it as bleek as the novel described but they succeeded in doing it. If you are curious as to where in the world could pass for such a setting, was filmed around abandoned coal mines in Pennsylvania, around Mount St. Helens, and in the remains of Katrina outside New Orleans.

It is well known by now that Viggo Mortensen is a very good actor, and he puts it fully on display here. You can see the pain in his eyes, and you believe that he is ready to kill his son if that is what will protect him the most. The boy is played by first time actor, Kodi Smith-McPhee. For someone with no professional acting experience he holds his own. The boy in the story was born after the disaster hit so he knows nothing of the world beforehand. So every remnant of society they find, whether it be a stuffed animal, or a can of pop, he views it with pure amazement. It is not easy being a kid when your dad constantly reminds you how to kill yourelf if you are going to be captured. One change made from the book to the movie is they added more flashbacks featuring the mother. In the book there are only a few pages worth, but in the movie there was about 10 minute spread through about 5 flashbacks. In the flashbacks the mother is played by Charlize Theron who is also very accomplished, and who also does a great job, even with her limited screen time. You believe her as a beautiful woman before the disaster hits, and as a suicidal depressed woman who just can't take it anymore as the after effects of the disaster being to become clear. Some people are suggesting that Robert Duvall should get nominated for an Oscar for his brief appearance and I would have no problem with that.

After thinking about it for a few days the movie and book seem to be affecting me almost the same. I liked both when I first took them in, but it was the fact that I kept thinking about both of them a lot long after they were finished, which made me appreciate how much I really loved them. If you want a heart gripping tale of a man who will do anything to protect the only thing in the world that still matters, his son, please watch The Road. I would only caution that if you are depressed, this probably won't make you feel any better, but it wasn't sad enough in my opinion to drive you to suicide or something. If you just want to watch a great movie with spectacular visuals and great performances, please watch The Road. I personaly suggest reading the novel first, but doing them in either order would be fine.

5 out of 5 Stars
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The Story of Pride and Glory

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SOME THINGS THAT ANY NORMAL PERSON WILL FIND EXTREMELY DISGUSTING

I assure you everything I say in this post is true. Videos have been taken of several of the things but I do not have access to them so I can't upload them to youtube yet.

Anyways the story starts out innocent enough. Over the summer my friends were arguing about who would stay up the latest. My friend Andy told my friend Danny that if Danny stayed up later than him he would buy his $6 ticket to a minor league baseball game. But if Andy stayed up later he would get "pride and glory." When he said that he was kind of just joking since pride and glory sounded cool. It didn't really mean anything besides that he would have the glory of staying up later. Well anyways Andy stayed up later so he got pride and glory, even though it really didn't mean anything at that point.
Well he kept braggin about how he had pride and glory so my friend Stacy gave him a really bad wedgie until he "gave" it to her. At that point Pride and Glory became a tangible thing that could be passes from one person to another. If somebody did something impressive or crazy and the person with Pride and Glory approved the new person would then be in possession of Pride and Glory.
So Andy was pissed that Pride and Glory had gone to Stacy so he wanted it back. To get it back he then ate a giant calous that had fallen off of my friends foot, who had been walking around barefoot all day. That by itself is pretty gross, but its nothing compared to what was to come.
I guess Andy got tired of having it (and more so not being able to "win" it back) because he then gave it up to my friend Brian for eating a bunch of hot peppers and not drinking any water to cool it off for 10 minutes. Someone after that point Pride and Glory really turned into Shame and Embarrassment.
Because to get it back from Brian Andy dumped an ashtray from a bar into a glass of beer and drank it. He drank beer mixed with a bunch of ashes, then swallowed a few random cigarette butts on top of it to seal the deal.
Since that was gross that kind of put Pride and Glory on the backburner for a few weeks. Until my friend David broght a girl he liked around my friends at a bar one night. Andy kept hitting on the girl all night so that pissed David off. So to get back at Andy he decided to win Pride and glory from him, since Andy really cared about having it. So to win it back David goes into the bathroom in the bar (a crappy hole in the wall dive bar) to lick the toilet seat, but Andy said that wasn't good enough. So instead they agree that David has to take a bite out of a urinal cake sitting in the urinal in this dirty bar. So he takes it out and takes a bite, and instantly pukes. Well Andy says that didn't count since he puked, so he picks the urinal cake back up and takes a huge bite and swallows it (and was sick for the whole next day), and wins Pride and Glory.
Well David having Pride and Glory really bothered Andy because he is dumb and cares about stupid stuff like this a lot. So he knew he needed to do something extreme to get it back. So they are sitting at their house and they have a weiner dog. Well the weiner dog took a poop in the house. They agree he has to eat a turd. He takes a bite and starts to throw up, so he stops and chugs a beer, then puts another turd in his mouth and begins to chew it. Well this makes David sick and he begins to puke, and runs upstairs to the bathroom, but doesn't make it really and pukes on the wall. For God knows what reason Andy decides on his own that eating the one turd wasn't enough so he eats another one, but yet that still isn't enough for him, so he walks over to the wall and licks the puke my friend had just puked all over the wall. The whole time Kevin is watching alternating between puking out the window and laughin histarically.
So that is where we are at right now. Andy has Pride and Glory for eating dog poop and licking my friends puke. Hopefully it will stop there. We think the name should be changed from Pride and Glory to Shame and Embarrassment or Stupid and Disgusting.
Yes, the people mentioned in this post are my friends. No, I do not know why.
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Book Review: Guns of the South by Harry Turtledove

Guns of the South by Harry Turtledove
1992
Alternative History

Harry Turtledove is my favorite author, and Guns of the South is probably his most famous novel, but I put off reading it for awhile. Well I finally got around to reading it the other day. Harry Turtledove is most famous for his alternative history writing. Which basically means taking a true historic event and adding in stuff that didn't really happen and then continuing the story. Guns of the South is an example of alternative history fiction.

The plot of the novel is this. Towards the end of the Civil War the South is almost defeated. Then a group of strange men show up with a new repeating rifle they call "an AK-47" and supply the Confederate Army with them. The AK-47 changes the course of the war and the South wins. But where did these strange men get such an incredible gun? Well it turns out they are actually South African white supremacists from 150 years in the future who used a time machine to travel back in time to help the South win so that there will be a country in the world where whites still rule over blacks.

Sure it is a ridiculous concept, but it presents a lot of interesting scenarios. Like even if the South won, how long would they keep slavery going? Or how would people react when they found out that people from the future had come to alter their lives. One of the main characters of the book is Robert E. Lee. I am not sure how accurate portrayal is, but his character in the book is quite a thought provoking individual who I grew to like a great deal.

Overall this was another great work by Harry Turtledove. He presents a crazy scenario, but uses that to tell an interesting story with fully realized characters. I don't think the stuff he writes is for everyone, but if you wanted to read a Harry Turtledove book because you want to know who the hell I am talking about, I would probably recommend Guns of the South first because it is not part of a longer series (like many of his other books), and isn't that long of a book.

3.5 out 5 Stars
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Bill's Pizza Kitchen

I will openly admit that I am a huge cheap ass. I try to spend as little as possible every chance I can. Now that I no longer live with my parents and pay for everything myself this has taken my cheapness to new heights. One area where I save the most money is food. I don't eat much as it is but what I do eat doesn't cost much. One thing we splurged on a few times was pizza. There is a place near us that sells a extra large pizza for only $6 during the week. That is a good deal, but not good enough for me. So I decided we should make our own pizza. This may just be the best idea I ever had, because we did it, and it turned out good, really good. For the crust we used Kroger brand "Just Add Water" pizza dough mix. Sauce we just used Kroger brand pizza sauce, the cheese was Kroger brand pizza cheese, and the pepperonis were obviously Kroger brand as well. The best part is that is only costs like $2 to make a big pizza. It really wasn't too hard to make. But a tip, make sure to put some oil on the dough after you mix it and on your hands when you shape it in the pan or else it will stick to your hands like crazy. Here is a picture of our first attempt.

If it looks a little orange thats mainly due to the ligthing in our kitchen as well as my cameraphone, well that and it all the pepperoni make it a bit greasy. But that was only our first attempt and I think it looks really good considering. And more importantly it also tasted very good. After that we got confident and the ideas starting flooding in, different toppings etc. So we decided to make our own stuffed crust pizza. We doubled the dough to have enough for a crust to wrap around the cheese. And for the cheese in the crust we just put mozarella cheese sticks in it. We also opted to put the toppings below the cheese. Here is a picture of that.

To be honest, it didn't work that well. I still tasted good, but the stuffed crust was a total failure, you couldn't taste the cheese in it and it was dry. Live and learn. We also used our pizza pan this time, which has holes in the bottom to make it crispier, but the dough also started to go through those holes when forming it, so its tricky business.
I think we are just gonna do another round of pepperoni before trying something different, but I think the next specialty pizza well be a barbecue chicken. If you have never made your own pizza before, give it a try. Its easy to do, and even if you screw it up, it will only cost you a few dollars and 25 minutes.
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