Eden Lake (2008)

2008

Horror/Thriller

Lets just cut to the chase on this one, fuck this movie. It is negative and hate filled, while at the same time being not interesting. I am always looking for new horror movies to see, and people kept telling me to see this one, I wish they wouldn't have. Below will be a synopsis of the plot with spoiler, which I hope you read so you won't accidentally see this movie.

A guy and his girlfriend go camping in the English countryside. While at a remote lake they run into a gang of troublemaking teens (which is a common theme in many English movies for some reason). The teens keep messing with the pair until they eventually steal their car. When they catch the kids the guy accidentally kills one of the kids dogs while taking the kids knife away, which the kid then blames on the guy. The kids begin to chase and terrorize the couple through the woods. They eventually capture and torture the guy until he dies. Then they chase to woman. To bring her out of hiding they light an innocent kid who just happened to be there on fire and burn him to death. The woman kills a couple of the kids before getting out of the forest. She escapes to a house down the street and tells the people what happened and to call for help. But in the least shocking twist ever, they are actually the kids families, and when the kids come back to the house the kids dads butcher the innocent woman in the bathroom with a razor. The movie ends with the main kid (who was the leader) putting on a pair of sunglasses he stole from the guy and then making some "badass" poses in a mirror.

There may have been a time when the un-hollywood ending (like having the bad guys win) was actually interesting and not expected, but that time is long gone. At least most movies where the bad guy wins have the decency to actually have the bad guy be interesting or something. I bet the creatores of Eden Lake thought there plot/ending was "cool" or "badass" when in reality it was one of the most predictable things ever and basically made the whole movie uninteresting. I mean about 20 minutes into it I said "I bet they get away from the kids and get help but end up going to the kids families house and still dying." Was there anybody who saw this movie and didn't see that coming?

I mean they had a chance to have some payoff in some revenge killings but chose not to for whatever reason. I don't know about anybody else but I was just super annoyed the kids the whole time. They had no character development and there was no reason to take any interest in them at all. Whch only made me dislike the movie more since they were the only characters left in the end.

How exactly is the end of the movie suppose to make the viewing experience more enjoyable? What exactly is the viewere suppose to take from watching this crap? What exactly is interesting about having an innocent woman slaughtered by a group of men in a bathroom? Or having a kid burned to death?
Oh but wait the lead bad guy got away with it and then put on some sugnlasses and made some badass poses in the mirror, thats cool, right?

The review on poster actually calls this movie "provocative." I would like to know what that guy was smoking. There is nothing provocative or thought provoking in this whole movie. I have also heard some people commend this movie for being realistic, which could not be further from the truth. There is nothing about this movie that operates with a sense of realism or authenticity.

I avoided this movie for awhile because I was afraid it was going to be exactly what it was, but people kept telling me it was good so I decided to watch it. I wish I would have listened to my gut feeling on this one. I take some solace in thinking that there is no way the kids would actually get away with the crimes (too much evidence, not all the witnesses were the kids direct families, etc.) but by doing that I actually put more thought and care into the story than the actual creators did.

Avoid this detestable piece of garbage at all costs.

1 out of 5 Stars (since I don't give out zeros)

The Uninvited (2009)

2009
Horror

Allow me to summarize my feeling for this movie in 4 words: stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
This review will contain SPOILES so be warned if you planned on wasting 90 minutes of your time with this movie.

The plot is this. Committed to a mental hospital after her mother's tragic death, grieving teenager Anna discovers upon her release that her father plans to marry his deceased wife's former nurse , a woman who might not have the best intentions. In fact her and her sister begin to think the woman actually killed their mother. So for the first 80 minutes of the movie you follow the sisters around as the piece together the clues as to what happened to their mother and being to discover how evil and murderous their new step mom is. At that point it is pretty formulaic but is entertaining. But in the last 10 minutes there is a plot twist, a plot twist that was really stupid and made me hate the movie. Right as the climax happens, which is the step mom trying to kill Anna but her sister stopping the step mom and actually killing her because no one would believe that she was evil, the plot twist happens. It turns out that Anna's sister has been dead the whole time, she was killed in the accident that killed their mother. And it turns out it wasn't the evil step mom who killed their mother it was all Anna's fault. Then through a 10 second series of flashbacks you see that basically everything you watched for the first 80 minutes never actually happened. Everything in the movie was an illusion inside of Anna's mind and nothing you saw happen was actually real. So like the good characters you grew to like and the bad characters you hated, neither were actually like that because nothing they showed actually happened. So stupid, and a waste of my time.

I had a whole bunch of complaints about this movie before the twist, but since the twist basically erases everything that happens prior there is really no need to complain about them. One thing I will complain about is Anna sees visions of like creepy dead looking children all movie, telling her the step mom is evil, but those kids have absolutely nothing to do with anything in the plot. There are no children killed before or after the twist. They basically put them in the movie to make it more creepy and have them jump out for cheap scares, which is so lame. "OMG the creepy ghost girl dropped a glass of milke and it turned to blood!!!! OMG so scary!!!" Oh wait, it has nothing to do with anything and is fucking pointless.

I will give the movie some credit for a few things. All the actors did a pretty good job. The movie also looked nice, not relying on too many effects. And Emma Browning who plays Anna is pretty cute, she looks really young but is actually 20 so it is not creepy for me to say that. She looked really cute in Lemony Snicket's too (never saw that movie, just from the trailers) she was 15 then so it might be creepy for me to say she was cute in that.

If you want to waste your time on a movie that exists solely to waste your time, and have what you watched be made pointless by a stupid plot twist, be my guest. But when it comes to horror movies or movies with plot twists, there are about a thousand ones better than The Uninvited.
2 out of 5 Stars

Factoid: This is a remake of the Korean movie The Tale of Two Sisters. That movie was pretty critically acclaimed, but if it is similar to The Univited I am starting to wonder why.

Quick Hits 9/3

I watch way more movies than I fully review on this blog. Mostly it is because I don't feel like typing out a full entry every day, and most of the time I forget what I want to say about it by time I am on the computer again. So a new concept, just give a really short run down of some of my recent viewings, similar to the reviews available from users on Netflix.

When Harry Met Sally
1989 - Romantic Comedy - Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan
This is one of the most famous romantic comedies, but I really didn't find it that funny. There are a few cute moments that put a smile on your face but I wasn't cracking up. That doesn't mean I didn't like it. It is a very well put together movie asking the question "Can men and woman be just friends?" Of course it doesn't answer the question but it shows how the two main characters deal with it. Meg Ryan is totally adorable in this movie and I can see why she became a big star after this. When it comes to romantic comedies you could do a lot worse than this one.
3 out of 5 Stars

In the Heat of the Night
1967 - Crime Drama - Sidney Portier, Rod Steiger
A classic movie right here, winners of several Oscars including Best Picture. When a murder happens in a small southern town they arrest the first black guy they see, but he turns out to be a homicide detective from Philly. So the racists sheriff is forced to put aside his prejudice and work with the detective to solve the crime. This movie is 42 years old and puts basically everyhting put out today to shame. The scenes between Portier (the black detective) and Steiger (the racist sheriff) are fantastic. You can really tell how much it bothers this racist white sheriff to know that a black guy is so much better at his job than he is. In addition to the acting the investigation into the actual crime is fascinating and keeps you on your seat until the very end.
4 out of 5 Stars

Judge Dredd
1995 - Sci Fi Action - Syllvester Stallone
Here is a movie based on a comic book that was made before that became a huge fad in Hollywood. Which is odd because Judge Dredd is by any standards a very obscure comic. There were a lot of movies made in the 90s that were hollow action flicks, Judge Dredd is one of them, but it is a pretty fun example. It is the kind of thing you could watch over and over again when you want to see some mindless action and explosions. What impressed me most was how good the special effects looked. There are very few effects scenes that looked dated. My big gripe with the movie is a lot of the characters, and a lot of Stallone's dialogue, were made to be overly cheesy. If they would have had it be more realistic with fewer lame one liners it would have been a better flick. If you want to turn off your brain and relive some 90s action fun check it out and watch Stallone and Rob Schneider take care of the bad guys.
3 out of 5 Stars

Adventureland (2009)

2009

Comedy/Drama
Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart

Before we go any further I just want to cut to the chase and say I freaking loved this movie. I haven't seen a movie I liked this much in a very long time, basically since I first saw Say Anything, and will probably have to wait a long time for it to happen again. I am giving it 5 ouf of 5 stars. I will try to explain why I liked it so much, but it will be hard, because if you are not me, you probably won't like it as much.

Jesse Eisenberg plays James who in order to make money for grad school is forced to work at the local amusement park, Adventureland. While there he begins to make new friends and connections and begins to form a relationship with Kristen Stewart's character Em. There is more to it to that (Em has a secret she is keeping from James, etc.) but that is all you really need to know.

The main reason I loved this movie so much is because of how much I connected with the main character. He thinks about stuff the way I think about stuff, he reacts how I would reacts. There are situations where he handles things almost exactly how I would handle them. Like when Em is coming onto him and he tries to play it cool but still comes off awkward and slightly out of place. Scenes like that rang so true. It is nice to see a "coming of age movie" where the character is technically an adult and not concerned with high school cliches like prom or getting into college. James is a virgin and much more interested in finding love and an emotional connection than he is in just getting laid. This type of male character is almost always ignored in favor of the "just trying to get some" mantra from other movies (American Pie).

I have never really seen a movie with Kristen Stewart in it so it was a nice suprise that she was so good in this role. I started to fall in love her just the way James did, and much the same way I did with the love interests in ...Say Anything and Garden State.

This is the second movied directed by Greg Mottola. The other movie is Superbad, which is my all time favorite movie. So he has directed 2 movies so far, and I love both of them. There is nothing impressive or fancy in his directing but he knows how to inject genuine feeling into all scenese. Out of nowhere he has become of my favorite directors. I just hope he keep directing the same kind of movies, because he does it so well. Unlike with Superbad, he also wrote Adventureland based on experiences from his own life. When it first came out people criticized it because it was advertised as a comedy, but wasn't as overall funny as Superbad. I agree that it is not as funny as Superbad, but it still has plenty of laughs. Scenese like when James and Em discuss their history with "intercourse" are hilarious both for their awkwardness and their truth. Martin Starr (of Freaks and Geeks, and Knocked Up) is one of the main sources of comedy. He manages to funny while at the same time being realistic and sympathetic. There is another character, Frigo, who exists solely for comedic relief and that is okay because it does not distract from the realism of the movie at all. Because some people have friends who always hit you in the junk because they think it's funny. Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig are funny in small roles as the managers of Adventureland. They have some funny lines, Bill has an awesome mustache and Kristen somehow manages to not annoy me as normal.

I even liked the soundtrack of this movie. Which is impressive considering I don't really like the kind of music featured in it, which is basically mid 80s indie rock. Yet here I am a day later listening to Lou Reed and The Velvet Underground songs from the soundtrack. This movie is set in the late 80s and the music does the best job of capturing that mood without relating to overdone "in the 80s they did this stupid thing" jokes movies like The Wedding Singer were based around. Many of the characters wear stereotypical 80s clothing but they don't look stupid. They just look like they lived in the 80s, which they are.

I could keep rambling on about this movie, adding more stuff to this post, but I think I will stop now. Just rent it already to discover everything it has to offer. I, as already previously stated, loved Adventureland. After only watching it once I know I will consider it a favorite for a long time to come. It captured the essence of Say Anything, presenting what it is like to be nice guy looking to fall in love and wondering how to explore life. Others probably won't enjoy it as much as me, and that is okay.
Excuse me, for I am now off to find an Adventureland "Games" t shirt to purchase.

5 Out Of 5 Stars

District 9 (2009

2009
Sci Fi
"There are a lot of secrets in District 9."

Hey look I finally went and saw a movie in a theatre and not on DVD!
District 9 is one of the most talked about fims of the summer. It has also gotten near all positive reviews. And all that adoration is well deserved. This is a fantastic sci fi film that takes place in a fully realized world that helps to pose moral questions we can ask about our real world. Of course if you like your movies with a little less moral questioning and more people blowing up, District 9 is still the movie for you. It works great on both levels, either as a movie that gives you something to think about, or one that gives you a bunch of moments where you go "Oh shit, that was awesome."

For those that don't know the movie is about a broken down alien spaceship that comes to Earth. It is stranded here so we as humans have to figure out what to do with all the aliens on board. So we set up a camp for them in South Africa, that slowly turns into a slum. The parallels to South Africa's real life past are pretty obvious, but never really mentioned in the movie. Most of the human characters in the movie, forces tasked with moving the aliens to a new settlement, treat the aliens horribly. Though I feel that is probably realistic. The main character starts off sort of naive about the whole thing but after a key plot point begins to sympathize and work with the aliens. If anyone cares the aliens look like big grasshoppers, and they love cat food.

What amazed me most about District 9 was how real it felt. This is for two reason. The main being that it is mostly shot in a pseudo documentary style, like The Office, so you can feel how girtty and dirty the settings are. It also feels real because none of the actors are faces you would recognize, so they are the character, you aren't stopping to think "Hey Ben Affleck is good in this so far." I was probably most amazed that this special effects heavy, explostion laden, movie was made for only $30 million. It really makes me wonder how in the hell movies like Transformers cost $250 million to make. This is the debut movie from director Neil Blomkamp. If this is just his first attempt at directing I think it is safe to say we will be seeing much more awesome stuff from him down the road.

District 9 is one of the better sci fi movies to come in recent years. It was filmed on a small budget, by a first time director, starring a no name cast, but still manages to be top notch in everything it does. It looks great and feels real. Whether you like your sci fi to raise "What if..." questions or just wow you with what is on screen, it more than fits the bill.

4 out of 5 Stars

Halloween (2007)

2007
Horror
Rob Zombie

Over the past few weeks I have been seeing a lot of commercials for Halloween II, the sequel the Rob Zombie version of Halloween. And since that is coming out soon I figured I might as well finally watch the 2007 reimagining of the horror classic that introduced us to Michael Myers.

I had heard really mixed things about this movie, some people said they liked it, while others apparently flat out hated it. Personally, I enjoyed it, but I can see where both sides are coming from. Like the box said, this is a "reimagining" not a sequel. So technically it is not really tied down by what happened in previous Halloween movies. So there are some major differences between this and the original. The most major difference is the audiences connection with Michael Myers' "victims." In the original Jamie Lee Curtis is the main character. We connect with her and ride along with her while this maniac is trying to kill her. In the Zombie version, Michael Myers is the main character, but since he doesn't say a word after the first 30 minutes of the movie, he is more a force of nature than a real character. In many ways the movie is a case study on what it is to be a psychopathic killer. However I can see how some people may not like that since it offers no real answers to the character's actions at all.

Before seeing it I heard a few complaints about the way violence is used in this movie. To be honest I expected a lot worse than it was. I do believe that Zombie on a few occasions just shows excessive gore on the screen just for the sake of showing it. This really adds nothing to the movie at all, but I didn't find it distracting enough to actually bother me. Zombie has directed two other horror movies besides Halloween, but I have not seen them, so I can only judge him based on this so far. Technically, the movie looked great. It had a very nice, gritty washed out look that really helped set the mood.

When it comes to the acting, the standout role is from Malcolm McDowell who is playing the part made famous by Donald Pleasence as the psychiatrist who is the "expert" on Michael Myers. Of course when most of the cast gets killed shortly after they appear on screen, its really not hard to be the stand out role. I would be remissed (is that even the right word) if I did not mention Scout Taylor-Compton who plays Michael Myers little sister, all grown up (even though she does not know it). I need to mention her because she is freaking hot, in real life, and especially in this role with blonde hair and her nerdy glasses (before she gets covered in blood and stuff).

(in the middle, from Halloween)

I have no problem admitting that I now mainly want to see the sequel to see more of her, and her character when she finds out Micheal Myers, the maniac killing machine is in fact her brother.

Rob Zombie's reimagining of the classic Halloween is not as good as the original. So if you haven't seen that, you probably should. I mean you should for sure watch the original before watching this newer version. Though when it comes to slashers recently released, it is one of the better ones. For some reason a lot of people hate it, but I just think they went in with expectations of what they expected to see.

3 out of 5 Stars

I went to the Warped Tour

I went to the Warped Tour when it was in Detroit on Friday. I ended up going by myself since I couldn't find anyone else to go with. That wasn't too bad becuase there really wasn't much time when I wasn't watching a band play.

Here is who I saw (in chrnological order)

whole sets:
Valencia
Hit the Lights
Bayside
Less than Jake
Underoath
Streetlight Manifesto
A Day to Remember
Saosin

partial sets:
Farwell
The Scurvies
Versaemerge
Ivoryline
All Time Low
Senses Fail
In this Moment

Rank of who was the best:
1. Streetlight Manifesto (this was so much fun, awesome)
2. Bayside
3. Saosin
4. Less Than Jake
5. Ivoryline (because there weren't many people there so I was right in front)

- i missed videotaping a guy hardcore dancing to a band with like 10 people watching, it kind of made my day
- the girl from versaemerge is a lot hotter than she looks in pictures
- the girl from in this moment is less hot than she looks in pictures
- a day to remember should have been on the main stage
- why do dumb girls wear flip flops to the warped tour?
- i kept getting stuck behind really annoying people
- I didn't get in any really crazy pits because I was afraid stuff would fall out of my pockets
- it made me sad there were so many people for all time low and devil wears prada (though I like both bands) than less than jake
- I caught about 10 seconds of brokencyde from afar which i recorded, which was more than enough
- i recorded about 5 or 6 songs from different band, but the recordings all suck
- having a Hurley stage and a Hurley.com stage can get confusing at first, same goes for having an ernie ball stage then also having huge ernie ball ads on a different stage
- by the end of the day my back was killing me, I could barely stand anymore
- now all I want to do is listen to the bands I saw when I was there